Focus on the Family Valentines Day Modelling A Magnificent Marriage

EPHESIANS 5:22-33  MARRIAGES THAT WORK.

Law and Grace Reading Genesis 2:15-25, 3:16-19

15       The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden,17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."

18       Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."19 Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.23 Then the man said,

           "This at last is bone of my bones

                      and flesh of my flesh;

           she shall be called Woman,

                      because she was taken out of Man."

24       Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

 

Genesis 3: 16         To the woman he said,

           "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

                      in pain you shall bring forth children.

           Your desire shall be for your husband,

                      and he shall rule over you."

17       And to Adam he said,

           "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife

                      and have eaten of the tree

           of which I commanded you,

                      'You shall not eat of it,'

           cursed is the ground because of you;

                      in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;

18       thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;

                      and you shall eat the plants of the field.

19       By the sweat of your face

                      you shall eat bread,

           till you return to the ground,

                      for out of it you were taken;

           for you are dust,

                      and to dust you shall return."

 

The priority of marriage.

The permanence of marriage. "Shall be joined to his wife" means "welded together." Mark 10:9

The purpose of marriage.

• companionship       • cooperation    • completion

• communication      • continuation

Nine differences between men and women

1. man is to be the provider and woman is to be the helper

2. the husband is the protector, the woman is the nurturer

3. the man is to be the leader and the woman is to be the enhancer

4. man is physically strong, the woman is more fragile

5. men approach problems head first and women approach things heart first

6. men tend to strive for achievement and women strive for security

7. a man sees his job as an extension of himself a woman sees the home as an extension of herself

8. a woman tends to be more sensitive and men tend to be insensitive

9. men tend to be defensive, women tend to be trusting

 

 

Mariane Holbrook wrote Valentines Day cards for Hallmark cards. Some got rejected.

-With all my heart I love you,     With all my heart I care;

I still have one big question, though,      "Do you still dye your hair?"

-You look so lovely in that dress  I even love your hat.

Is it okay to tell the world  You've gotten sorta fat?

-My valentine, I love you so,  You fill my heart with bliss.

If you'd just put your teeth in Then I might enjoy a kiss.

 

Tuesday last week was Valentine's Day.

It is a good opportunity to consider the place of love within the family unit, and specifically what love looks like within a family unit between parents. For as the parents go, so do the kids.

Churches must be more concerned with being true to the Word of God. Liberal churches are dying on the vine, while Bible-believing churches are growing. We're not primarily concerned about whether everybody likes our beliefs on marriage. But it is important that we be doing what God wants.

Husband and wife are equal in the eyes of God. Both bear God's image, but, in differing ways. The marriage relationship models the way God relates to His people.

A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Christ died for the church.

God has given the responsibility to: provide, protect and lead the family to the husband.

The wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership of the husband as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.

We need to understand the role of marriage from God's point of view. This is not settled by human propaganda, but by the Word of God. We have so many failed marriages because we have thrown away God's plan for marriage.

Marriage: contract or covenant? Marriage isn't a contract, where you try to protect your rights.

If you see marriage as a divine covenant, you'll accept your responsibilities. If you see marriage as a contract, you'll be looking for loopholes in the contract.

What we believe is based on the Word of God. The Bible is God's Word. It's not up for debate.

God's Word says a husband and father is responsible to his wife for three major things.

 

servant leadership (ephesians 5:21)

Submitting to one another in the fear of God.

The word "head" means "leader." The husband is not a dictator or a captain giving orders. This doesn't speak of a chain of command, but a line of responsibility. To have headship is to have responsibility. If a wife is to submit to her husband, she is to submit to her husband for loving leadership. Ephesians 5:23 is the model God has given for marriage.

A husband is the leader in the home, in the same way Christ is the head of the church.

Jesus Christ has never forced a believer to do anything. He leads and loves us to do many things.

He is the model for the husband.  To be "head" means responsible leadership.

Both the male and female bear God's image. Genesis 1:27

Both the male and female are individually heirs of the grace of life. 1 Peter 3:7

Both are equal in their standing before God if they are saved. Galatians 3:26 for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ.28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

We are all one in Christ; He does not divide based on race, gender or socioeconomic status.

While male and female are equal, they are not alike; God has given them different roles.

The devil attempts to make men and women alike under the guise of making them equal.

God made them male and female; the Bible is against he-women and she-men.

The tendency today is to stress the equality of men and women by minimizing the unique significance of maleness and femaleness.

Consequently, more divorce, homosexuality, sexual abuse, promiscuity, social awkwardness, emotional distress, and suicide.

Mankind has thrown away God‑given identity and the differences between the male and female.

Oneness and equality are not sameness.     God is for oneness, not sameness. God made us different that He might make us one.

Recognizing the headship of one spouse does not mean the inferiority of the other.

We are to be submissive to our boss at work; but this does not make us inferior to him.

We are to be submissive to a coach on a team; this does not mean we are inferior to him.

We are to be submissive to a teacher in a class; this does not mean we are inferior to him.

We are to be submissive to local authorities; this does not mean we are inferior to them.

It simply means that God has placed order in all society.

Sometimes we need to learn some things about life. I learnt something after a near collision with someone breaking the road rules on a roundabout near Windsor:

Here lies the body of Benjamin May      Who died defending the right of way

He was right – dead right, as he sped along,     But just as dead as if he were wrong!

Now there are a lot of husbands standing for their rights, but they are so wrong. They do it the wrong way and make a car wreck of their marriages.

The wife may be superior to the husband in many ways. But God holds the husband responsible for the home. Ultimately, the responsibility falls on the husband.

The problem in the world today is not primarily rebellious wives. The problem is slacker husbands who shirk their responsibility to love and lead their wives as Christ loved and led the church.

If the home is wrong, it's primarily because the man is wrong.

God held Adam responsible for Eve's sin in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 3:17 God held Adam responsible for not leading his home as he should have.

What is Servant Leadership? A leader serves. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church.  For the husband to be the head of the wife means that he is to serve his wife.

Jesus is the head of the church, yet He washed His disciples' feet. John 13:13

Servant leadership is the way you show your headship in the home. The wife is not there to serve the husband, he is there to serve her.

A leader is gentle.  If you are a husband, you need to be a "gentle" man. Children love their fathers not just for their strength, but because they are gentle. If you want to have great kids and a great wife, be gentle with them.

A leader guides by example 1 Peter 5:1-3 Husbands are to lead, not because they have to, but willingly. Husbands have no right to ask anyone to do something they are not themselves willing to do. Or to believe a certain thing. Or to live a certain way.

As the husband, are you an example to your wife as Christ is to the Church?

A leader elicits the strengths of those that are lead. Husbands, your wife has gifts that you don't have.  

sacrificial love (ephesians 5:25-26)

Second, husbands are to love their wives sacrificially. Christ died for the church. You do not love your wife as the Bible teaches unless you have died for her (notice the past tense in this sentence). You do not love your wife as Christ loved the church unless you have died for your wife by dying to yourself.  Husbands are responsible to their wives for sacrificial love. A husband should be willing to die for his wife. Jesus modelled this sacrificial love when He gave Himself up for the church. Die to ego, pride, and ambition.      What does it mean for the husband to be head of the wife? First of all, it doesn't mean that he's to be her dictator. Any husband who thinks this needs to learn how Jesus made His Bride submissive by loving and dying for her.  If you are a husband, then when you got married, you gave up all rights to yourself. No longer can you make decisions based simply upon what you want. Her welfare must be considered. You are to love your wife selflessly. Sacrificial love is a protecting love. A husband wants to protect his body when it's in danger. So he is to protect his wife. You are to protect her because she is "the weaker vessel." 1 Peter 3:7 "Weaker vessel" does not mean inferior vessel. Silk is weaker than denim; silk is not inferior to denim. Porcelain is weaker than steel but not inferior to steel. With porcelain you can make a beautiful cup. With steel you can make a sledgehammer to drive a spike. The cup is weaker. Which is better? You can't drink tea out of a sledgehammer. You can't drive a wedge with a porcelain cup. God made us different, that He might make us one. God gave men, generally, a stronger frame and physiology. God gave men to protect his wife as Jesus protects the church.

Secondly, husbands are to love their wives sanctifyingly (Ephes 5:26). Husbands are to make their wives beautiful by helping them become all God wants them to be! You are to be her prophet and priest with intercessory prayer and teaching from His Word. Sacrificial love is a purifying love.

A husband's chief assignment from God is to make his wife a more radiant, beautiful Christian. He is to intercede for her, lead, teach, love, and protect her spiritually.

He should not encourage her in any impurity: to drink something that is wrong, to watch something that is wrong, to do anything that is wrong.

Thirdly, husbands are to love their wives satisfyingly (Eph 5:28). Husband, you are to anticipate your wife's needs and please your wife as you please your own body. The more you give, the more you're going to get. Be good to yourself; love your wife.  Sacrificial love is a providing love. Ephesians 5:29 "Cherish" means "to warm with body heat." "Nurture" means "to feed and mature."

Husbands are to love their wives supremely (Eph 5:30,31). A husband is to love his wife above all earthly relationships including his own parents and children. A husband is to love his wife above his business and hobbies, as well. The relationship between husband and wife is compared to the relationship of Christ and the church. Marriage is the highest of all human relationships. Sacrificial supreme love is a passionate love. This is not referring to sexual passion. But a husband should be willing to give himself up for his wife. Marriages need two funerals and one wedding. Both husband and wife die to themselves and come alive to Jesus Christ. When a man loves his wife passionately, there is nothing too precious for him to give up for her, except his relationship to Almighty God.  Give up the things that offend her. Don't watch Seal Team when she hates shoot-em-ups on TV.. try Gilmore Girls.. now that is a sacrifice!

Do not sacrifice your home on the altar of your job. Most women are willing to be in submission to a man who loves her enough to die for her.  Demonstrate that love by the way you live for her.

steadfast loyalty (ephesians 5:30-31)

"They two shall be one flesh" speaks of a blending not just of the body, but of the soul and the spirit until they become one.

Respect and love. The man is to give love, the woman is to give respect to her husband, because ultimately the Lord holds the husband responsible for the home.

When a wife chooses not to submit to her husband, she is going to have serious problems.

First, she is going to have a spiritual problem with God because He is the One who told her to submit. Second, she is going to have problems with her husband because he will not be able to assume his God-given role as initiator if his wife isn't in her God-given role as responder.

Third, she is going to have problems with her children. The woman who refuses to be under a husband's headship will never have authority over her children. I think this is a prime reason there is so much juvenile delinquency in America.

Finally, she is going to have trouble with herself. Every wife has certain needs that will never be met until she frees her husband to meet those needs by assuming his role as her provider, protector, and pray-er.

When a wife submits, she will experience true freedom — just like a train is most free when it stays on the tracks. A train will accomplish far more on the tracks than it will ever accomplish by trying to go through a meadow.

A home ought to be a little bit of the Garden of Eden, the only part we have left until Jesus comes.

Do you know Jesus personally? If not, you can pray to Him today by asking Him to come into your life.

Call upon Jesus today. Repent (turn) from your sins, and turn to Jesus. Ask Him to forgive you of your sins, and acknowledge Him as Lord of your life.

• Start Immediately Without Rationalisation
• Return Completely Without Reservation
• Repent Openly Without Hesitation

 

With recognition of reliance upon the ministry of Adrian Rogers messages on marriage which have touched my heart so often.