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Titus 3 Method

Titus 3:9-11 CSB [9] But avoid foolish debates, genealogies, quarrels, and disputes about the law, because they are unprofitable and worthless. [10] Reject a divisive person after a first and second warning. [11] For you know that such a person has gone astray and is sinning; he is self-condemned. … WAYS TO USE THE GRAY ROCK METHOD WITH A NARCISSIST One of the hardest things to accept about narcissistic people is this: Many of them feed emotionally off reactions. The anger. The tears. The defending. The explaining. The emotional outbursts. The frustration. That emotional energy becomes part of the control dynamic. This is why the Gray Rock method exists. The goal is not to “win” against them emotionally. The goal is to become emotionally uninteresting to manipulate. When a narcissistic person realizes they can easily provoke you, they learn exactly which buttons to keep pressing. They study your reactions closely. They notice what hurts you, what up...
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Scapegoat under narcissist

The scapegoat is always the one who sees through the narcissist’s performance — not because they’re rebellious, but because their eyes were never fooled to begin with. In a toxic family or relationship, they become the person who notices the cracks in the mask, the inconsistencies in the stories, and the quiet cruelty hiding beneath the charm. That clarity is dangerous in a system built on lies, and that’s exactly why the narcissist singles them out. While everyone else remains dazzled by fake humility, exaggerated victimhood, or manufactured kindness, the scapegoat is the one who senses the truth. They ask the questions no one else will ask. They refuse to bend the narrative just to keep the peace. Their honesty becomes a threat, their insight a weapon the narcissist cannot control — so they’re punished for seeing what others refuse to acknowledge. To protect their fragile ego, the narcissist flips the script. They smear the scapegoat, twist the truth, and assign blame to the on...
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Narcissistic attacks

NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE DO THESE WHEN THEY HATE YOU TOO MUCH 1. THEY TURN PEOPLE AGAINST YOU Example: People who once supported you suddenly become distant after hearing their version of events. 2. THEY TRY TO DESTROY YOUR REPUTATION Example: They tell family, friends, church members, and coworkers stories designed to make you look like the villain. 3. THEY USE YOUR SECRETS AS WEAPONS Example: Personal struggles, mistakes, and private conversations are shared to embarrass or discredit you. 4. THEY ATTACK YOUR CONFIDENCE Example: They constantly criticize your appearance, intelligence, parenting, career, or worth. 5. THEY TWIST EVERYTHING YOU SAY Example: Even innocent comments are turned into evidence that you are the problem. 6. THEY PROVOKE YOU ON PURPOSE Example: They push your emotional buttons until you react, then use your reaction against you. 7. THEY PLAY THE VICTIM Example: After causing harm, they convince others that they are the one being mistreated....
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Reaching the lost

This is a good thoughtful article. For nearly 50 years I have grappled with issues of why churches do or do not grow. Coming from a background where my parents were very nominal Christians (never attended a church, we’re more interested in astrology and the beach than anything else), I have always been anxious that the vast number of unsaved people in Australia (about 97% of the total population) should turn to the Lord Jesus Christ as their Saviour. One issue is that many churches “fish” in very small pools (contacts of the local churches through children or youth programmes). Another issue is that we are very por at following up contacts and very slow to present the gospel: we make bridges to the lost but never cross the bridges with the gospel. Consider these thoughts from Chuck Lawless 8 Self-Evaluation Questions about Our Burden for Non-Believers By Chuck Lawless on Nov 10, 2026 I had recently stood in a region of the world where folks do not consider the God of ...
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Ken Churchward : Grief

Opening and closing the door on grief Ken Churchward   • 1 July 2002 A little girl always asked her mother to leave the hall light on and bedroom door open when she was put to bed at night. Her mother asked her one evening, “Is it to let the light in?” _ The little girl thought about it for a moment and then replied, “No, Mummy. I think it is to let the darkness out.” _ Grief is a bundle of quite complex negative emotions. It is a bit like darkness inside. It needs to be let out—it needs to be expressed in whatever way is appropriate to our own personality and temperament when the time comes. When grief comes upon us, as surely it will (and probably it will come a number of times) in the course of our lifetime, we need to open the door, and keep the door open for long enough for the grief (the darkness) to get out. Sometimes we may need someone to open the door for us and to hold it open. For various reasons...
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Types of narcissists

8 TYPES OF NARCISSISTS 1. Grandiose Loud, confident, and attention-seeking, with a strong sense of superiority. They often dominate conversations, expect admiration, and react badly when they are not the center of attention. 2. Vulnerable (covert) Quiet and sensitive to criticism, often playing the victim while still feeling entitled. They may seem shy or hurt, yet resent others for not recognizing how special they believe they are. 3. Communal Seeks admiration by appearing generous, selfless, or morally superior. Their kindness is often public, and it can come with an expectation of praise and loyalty. 4. Malignant Combines narcissistic traits with cruelty, manipulation, and little remorse. They may enjoy control and can be especially harmful in close relationships. 5. Antagonistic Competitive, dismissive, and quick to put others down to feel powerful. They treat relationships like contests and often belittle people to stay on top. 6. Somatic Draws worth from...
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Psychopaths

1. THEY STUDY YOUR WEAKNESSES They listen carefully, not always because they care, but because they are collecting information they can use later. 2. THEY LIE WITH CONFIDENCE They can lie while looking calm, innocent, spiritual, loving, or wounded. 3. THEY HAVE NO REAL REMORSE They can hurt people, destroy lives, betray trust, and still act like nothing serious happened. 4. THEY ENJOY CONTROL They do not just want love or respect. They want power over your emotions, choices, money, body, mind, and freedom. 5. THEY FAKE EMOTIONS WELL They can cry, apologize, smile, or act broken when it benefits them, but the emotion disappears when control returns. 6. THEY HAVE A CHARMING PUBLIC IMAGE Outsiders may see them as kind, generous, intelligent, successful, or respectable while you see the darkness behind closed doors. 7. THEY DO NOT RESPECT BOUNDARIES Your “no” irritates them. Your independence threatens them. Your boundaries make them feel challenged. 8. THEY BLA...
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Job 4-6 Chuck Swindoll

Job’s three friends have traveled to show Job sympathy and to “comfort him” (2:11). We have seen that these friends share with Job the privilege of being men associated with wisdom and wise counsel. They are not just any old friends; they are counselors whose advice would naturally be sought. So when they sit for those terrible seven days and seven nights of silence, we know that something is wrong, for there is no advice forthcoming. In chapter 3 Job breaks that silence with the most moving and passionately unsettled lament, spoken, it would seem, to himself more than to anyone else. But his friends are there listening. Or are they really listening?  There is obviously a problem with the views of all of Job's Counselors. We find it out at the end of Job.  To be honest, their counsel seems so right. The reason it seems so right is that we all tend to adopt the worldview of these guys simply because, as D Lloyd Jones put, welfare all Catholics at heart. We all think God s...
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Preaching.

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Reminds me of an abuser who has written of his desire to become a counsellor or chaplain.

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Psychopaths and narcissists.

SIGNS OF A VERY DANGEROUS PSYCHOPATH 1. Complete lack of empathy   They do not feel or respond to other people’s pain. Harm means nothing to them unless it affects their own interests. 2. Chronic manipulation   They lie, twist facts, and control situations effortlessly. People are tools to be used, not humans to be respected. 3. No remorse or guilt   Even when caught, they do not feel sorry. Any apology is fake and used only to regain control or avoid consequences. 4. Superficial charm   They can appear confident, kind, and impressive at first. This is a mask designed to gain trust and access. 5. Enjoyment of control and power   They feel a sense of satisfaction from dominating, controlling, or emotionally breaking others. 6. Impulsive and reckless behavior   They take dangerous risks without concern for consequences, often putting others in harm’s way. 7. Aggression without warning   They can switch from calm ...
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Empathy narcissists

WHY EMPATHS ATTRACT NARCISSISTS Empaths don’t attract narcissists because they’re weak. They attract narcissists because they carry a rare combination of emotional depth, intuition, and compassion that narcissists crave — but can never create within themselves. Empaths are everything a narcissist is not, and that contrast becomes a magnet. 1. Empaths want peace — narcissists thrive in chaos. Empaths try to fix arguments, soften tone, calm energy, apologize first. Narcissists use conflict to regain control. The empath thinks harmony is the goal. The narcissist thinks dominance is the goal. You cannot “love” someone into emotional maturity. 2. Empaths mistake intensity for connection. Narcissists love-bomb with passion and intensity. To an empath, it feels like emotional alignment. They believe they’ve found someone who “feels” as deeply as they do — until that intensity turns into anger, withdrawal, jealousy, or manipulation. The truth? It was never depth. I...
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Damage

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Sent from my iPhone
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6 Signs Your Church Is Dysfunctional September 9, 2026 By Ed Stetzer

I have run across several people in dysfunctional churches and unhealthy organizations. Having worked in some such settings myself, I have seen patterns that led me to start thinking … and writing. Maybe that is not such a good idea, but I think it is an important one. The issue is widespread and, although such organizations can actually do good, the harm they cause to many others is immeasurable. I started thinking about writing about dysfunctional churches when a couple I know was approached about working at a prominent Christian organization. They expressed appreciation for how much good is done by this organization. Yet, they were not interested because they knew people who worked there. And although everyone who worked there would readily say God was doing great things, they also used two phrases regularly: “we’re miserable” and “around here, you just keep your head down and do your job.” And therein lies the quandary of dysfunctional churches: it often does good th...
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Matt 6 HB Charles

First Things First  Matthew 6:33  Charles Spurgeon began a sermon on Matthew 6:33 by saying, “There is just as much need of this exhortation today as there was when our Savior first uttered it.” These words fell from the lips of the Lord Jesus Christ more than 2,000 years ago. Yet they are as relevant as the latest “Breaking News.”   Matthew 6:25 says, “Therefore ...
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