Responding to Injury by Bill Elliff
HOW DO YOU RESPOND WHEN OFFENDED?
It happens to all of us. Someone does or says something that hurts. It can be legitimate or illegitimate… true or a little truth laced with lies. Or it could be completely wrong and fully dishonest. Whatever it is that is said or done, it hurts. They may know what they did and even had done it with malice or be completely oblivious.
OUR IMMEDIATE RESPONSE
Anger is the normal response. There is a righteous anger that can be needed at times. But for most of us, that's not our problem. We respond with anger because we're hurt, our "rights" are trampled, we're misunderstood, misrepresented, or marginalized.
The tragedy is that anger accomplishes nothing of value. In fact, it usually drives us to harsh words and reactions, which just stir up further strife. Done often enough, it creates patterns that become a sad part of our character.
THE WISE RESPONSE
Solomon made an observation about how wise men and women respond when offended.
A person's insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11).
There are reasons why people do things that offend us. God is interested in what is behind the offense. And, if we are interested in letting God lead in the situation, we will be too. He reminds us that if we have discernment and insight, it will lead us to patience and to overlook and quickly forgive a transgression done to us.
Here are some "discernment" questions we might ask when offended that would slow us down from a quick, foolish response.
• What is behind what they just did that offended?
• Are they hurt, and if so, why? How can I minister to their hurt?
• Did I cause their hurt by anything I have said or done that needs to be recognized and repented of? Do I need to clear my conscience with them and God for what I've done?
• Will any good come from my retaliating? Striking back? Defending myself?
• Has my quick anger ever helped such situations in the past? Why do I think it would be a good response now?
• Why should I not be willing to be offended, just as Christ was "and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Peter 2:23)
The next time you are offended—by anyone or anything—pause and pray for discernment, for insight before you respond. You might pray like this:
Father, You live in me. I gladly surrender control to You right now. Fill me with Yourself and help me respond rightly. Give me wisdom and insight into what is going on in their lives. Show me their pain and hurt that is causing them to react in this way. If I have wronged them, give me quick repentance and an immediate willingness to clear my conscience. And Father, right now,
I choose forgiveness, made possible by Your grace. I will not write this in the ledger book of my heart, and I release them from any debt I think they owe me. I forgive them because You have forgiven me for far more. Flood my heart with Your love by the Holy Spirit. Here is my body to do whatever Your love directs.
It happens to all of us. Someone does or says something that hurts. It can be legitimate or illegitimate… true or a little truth laced with lies. Or it could be completely wrong and fully dishonest. Whatever it is that is said or done, it hurts. They may know what they did and even had done it with malice or be completely oblivious.
OUR IMMEDIATE RESPONSE
Anger is the normal response. There is a righteous anger that can be needed at times. But for most of us, that's not our problem. We respond with anger because we're hurt, our "rights" are trampled, we're misunderstood, misrepresented, or marginalized.
The tragedy is that anger accomplishes nothing of value. In fact, it usually drives us to harsh words and reactions, which just stir up further strife. Done often enough, it creates patterns that become a sad part of our character.
THE WISE RESPONSE
Solomon made an observation about how wise men and women respond when offended.
A person's insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11).
There are reasons why people do things that offend us. God is interested in what is behind the offense. And, if we are interested in letting God lead in the situation, we will be too. He reminds us that if we have discernment and insight, it will lead us to patience and to overlook and quickly forgive a transgression done to us.
Here are some "discernment" questions we might ask when offended that would slow us down from a quick, foolish response.
• What is behind what they just did that offended?
• Are they hurt, and if so, why? How can I minister to their hurt?
• Did I cause their hurt by anything I have said or done that needs to be recognized and repented of? Do I need to clear my conscience with them and God for what I've done?
• Will any good come from my retaliating? Striking back? Defending myself?
• Has my quick anger ever helped such situations in the past? Why do I think it would be a good response now?
• Why should I not be willing to be offended, just as Christ was "and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Peter 2:23)
The next time you are offended—by anyone or anything—pause and pray for discernment, for insight before you respond. You might pray like this:
Father, You live in me. I gladly surrender control to You right now. Fill me with Yourself and help me respond rightly. Give me wisdom and insight into what is going on in their lives. Show me their pain and hurt that is causing them to react in this way. If I have wronged them, give me quick repentance and an immediate willingness to clear my conscience. And Father, right now,
I choose forgiveness, made possible by Your grace. I will not write this in the ledger book of my heart, and I release them from any debt I think they owe me. I forgive them because You have forgiven me for far more. Flood my heart with Your love by the Holy Spirit. Here is my body to do whatever Your love directs.
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