EPISCOPOS: THE SHEPHERDING ELDER

4. EPISCOPOS: THE SHEPHERDING ELDER 

1 Timothy 3: Qualifications for Overseers

1 The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task.2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive,5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.7 Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

 

Titus 1:5 This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you---6 if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.7 For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain,8 but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.9 He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

 

Most of the leaders you serve have a vision for their group. They have a picture in their head of where they want to lead their group. Some leaders have a macro-level vision— a general sense of how they want people to develop a deeper relationship with God and with the members of the group. For others, the vision is more on the micro level —they have a detailed plan of growth for
individual members of the group. Most of the leaders you serve are self-motivated. They have a passion for community and that drives them to build relationships and to lead their groups.
They are self-starters and self-sustainers. What leaders need is a guide-someone to help refine their goals and sharpen their vision. The apostle Paul served in this role for Timothy and Silas, two of his leaders-in-training. His working relationship with them was so strong that it's referenced nineteen times in the New Testament.
Paul played a significant part in launching their ministries throughout Asia.
The fingerprints of Paul's shepherding relationships were all over their ministry. Due in part to the careful guidance they received from Paul, Timothy and Silas saw tremendous results from their ministry efforts. Both newly commissioned and seasoned leaders need a coach who will serve as a guide for them. They need someone who will listen and intentionally explore the work of God in them. They need someone who will help them identify and take their next steps of spiritual growth and leadership development. They need someone who will intentionally shepherd them.
Taking on the role of guide for small group leaders may elicit concerns and fears.

• What if I can't answer their leadership questions? No elder has the answer to every question about group life. Simply admit you don't know and then work together to find the solution.

 • How can I offer spiritual guidance when I struggle too? Seldom is an elder a spiritual giant. Effective shepherds simply offer wisdom and counsel from their experiences. They seek out help when they don't know the answers.

• How long will I serve as a guide? Seldom does an elder guide a leader from conversion to death. More typically they guide a leader for one leg of the journey, one step at a time.

• What if the leader doesn't want to grow or develop spiritually? You are not responsible for anyone's spiritual development except your own. Elders cannot make people grow. Your responsibility is to challenge and provide encouragement and the opportunity for growth. The leaders will choose to grow or not. What about serious issues—ones I may not be equipped to handle? Remember, you are called to be a guide, not a counselor. Know when to refer to a staff member or counselor in your area.

• Am I being asked to be a spiritual director for my leaders? Your role will more closely resemble a spiritual friend than a spiritual director.
Common Error

Elders can easily miss the need to build community with and among their leaders. They move too quickly to envisioning and equipping their leaders. While these are great steps, placing an emphasis on them too early in the elder/leader relationship is not good. When this happens, leaders can be left feeling that they have a manager or director, not a guide. A manager will check in on the goals, assessing and rewarding progress. When this happens to group leaders it can leave them feeling like they are simply the middle rung in a multilevel marketing firm with an eternal product. As a guide, elders place a high value on shepherding their leaders.

They will provide a safe community where leaders can confess their struggles without feeling like a failure and where they can celebrate successes without feeling like they are boasting.

A community where leaders can explore next steps in their spiritual growth and their group leadership.

A guide honours the journey as much as the final destination.

Relationships First

Jesus placed a high priority on relationships in his ministry. He built strong relationships during the time spent with the Twelve. That was Jesus' plan from the beginning. Consider the relational component in these passages: Mark 3:14: Jesus calls the Twelve for two purposes: to be with him and to do ministry. The first priority was relationships— the "be-with" factor. One translation says Jesus called them to be his "regular companions." John 14:3: To calm their fears, Jesus assures the Twelve that he will return for them one day. Why? So they can "be with" him. John 15:15: At the Last Supper, Jesus says, "I no longer call you servants … instead, I have called you friends." John 17:24: Just hours before his death, Jesus prays in the garden. One of his deepest longings is for the Twelve to "be with" him again in heaven. Forming an authentic relationship is the first step to intentionally shepherding your leaders. Leaders want to be built into, cared for, and loved. Leaders want to establish trust, open communication, and form genuine relationships. They first want to have a shepherd who feeds them rather than a supervisor who leads them.
Over the years, this principle has been proven. It is often referred to as the "feed/lead ratio." Leaders consistently express a desire to be "fed" by their elders. They primarily desire a shepherd who cares for them. They want an elder who seeks to understand them —their personal walk with God, their family life, their relationship to the church. One who helps them discern next steps of personal spiritual growth.
Leaders want an elder who knows them like a shepherd knows his sheep. Initially, at least, leaders are looking for this feeding aspect to comprise about 80 percent of the elder/leader relationship. The other 20 percent is leadership, providing the vision and the skills necessary to carry out the role of group leader. Over time you will see this ratio begin to shift. As trust builds, the leadership component can increase substantially, but never to the point that it outweighs the shepherding component. It will take time and intentionality to develop a relationship with each of your leaders. An elder needs to consistently seek to understand the whole picture of who each one is, both as a person and as a leader. As you build trust with the congregation and with the Small group leaders

Ask questions that will help you understand their spiritual journey. How did they come to Christ? To your church? Who has been influential in their journey? Understand their life history. What was/is their family like? How did they celebrate? Grieve? How did they handle conflict? What were the major turning points in their life?
Understand their heart.

What brings them joy? What makes them sad? What do they dream about? While the primary tool to build relationships will be one-on-one time, you can also plan activities to foster relationships with your leaders.
Listen Deeply

Whether the conversation is a planned one-on-one time or a chance meeting, elders need to practice good listening skills. As you shepherd your leaders, here are some guidelines:

• Listen more than you speak. Don't interrupt or look for openings in the conversation to get your point across. "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19).

• Actively engage in their story. As leaders share their story, do not become preoccupied with pondering your next question or response.

• Ask for clarification. When what they are communicating is not clear to you, don't presume to know what they are trying to say.

• Keep the focus on them. Resist the urge to use their story as a springboard to tell your experiences. Use your stories and experiences sparingly and only when doing so would be helpful to the leader's growth.

• Fight the temptation to move too quickly to solutions. Seek to listen and fully understand. "Answering before listening is both stupid and rude" (Prov. 18:13 MSG).

• Listen beyond their words. Watch their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and choice of words. These nonverbal cues can help you discern unexpressed thoughts, feelings, and struggles.
• Ask permission to move deeper. Ask questions that get beyond surface conversation and offer the opportunity to share feelings, opinions, and values. Try to move from self-description to self-disclosure.

• When your mind wanders, confess it. Everyone has those moments when their mind drifts. Generally people can tell if you are not really listening. When it happens to you, honestly tell the leader, ask them to forgive you, and encourage them to repeat what they shared.
Be an Encourager

Leading a group can be a rewarding experience. Leaders help people form new friendships and they watch those relationships grow. They see people come to Christ and grow in their devotion to him. They develop and launch new leaders. But group leadership can also be very challenging. What seem like fantastic plans for a group meeting may flop. Members will miss meetings. People work late, they take vacations, or their kids get sick. At times, relational harmony will give way to chaos. Conflict will happen. Group members will move away or quit. Groups birth. Groups end. Some group members grow spiritually while some seem to grow stagnant. In the tough times, a word of encouragement can mean the difference between a leader staying in the game or quitting. The truth is, we all need encouragement. That's how God wired us.
Throughout Scripture, good leaders have modeled this need for us:
• At God's command, Moses encouraged his apprentice, Joshua (Deut.1:38; 3:28).

• King Hezekiah encouraged those who were giving their lives in service to the Lord (2 Chron. 30:22).
• Josiah encouraged the spiritual leaders of Israel (2 Chron. 35:2).

• A major portion of Paul's writing and ministry to churches was encouragement (Acts 14:22; 16:40; 20:1 - 2; 27:36).

• One leader, Joseph, did this so well that the apostles gave him a new name: Barnabas (Acts 4:36). Literally translated it means "son of encouragement." Later we find him living up to the new name as he encouraged the churches (Acts 11:23). Leaders need their coach to be a Barnabas for them. They need encouragement to continue to grow spiritually, and they need you to offer words of encouragement on a regular basis. Leaders have expressed that what they desire most from their elder is spiritual development skills. Gain their permission and their trust to serve as a guide— not an expert—for the next leg of their spiritual journey, and check in with them regularly regarding their personal spiritual growth.
• In what disciplines and practices are your leaders regularly engaging?

• Have they drifted away from God? At times we all stray and need a guiding hand and loving encouragement to return to God.

• Where do they sense God is leading them to grow next? Help them discern what their growth edges could be.

• What could a next step of spiritual growth look like? Rather than tell them what to do, brainstorm a list of possibilities.
Beyond guidance in spiritual growth, group leaders need encouragement in their group leadership skills. They need an elder who will:
• Offer encouragement for things they have done well, even little things.

• Praise them when they tackle difficult issues and challenges. Even though they may not complete every detail perfectly, find the things leaders do well and offer genuine praise.

• Encourage them to persevere in the tough times and not get tired of doing the right things. They'll see the benefits in time if they don't get discouraged and give up (Gal. 6:9).

• Use a variety of encouragement styles. Personally written letters, cards, and even email notes are a great source of encouragement to leaders. Recognition in front of their peers can also be important.
• Discover their unique leadership gifts and potential.

• When appropriate, offer public praise or even awards. A great time for this is in your leadership huddles. Sharing the struggles and successes your leaders experience can deepen community and cast vision for the kind of groups and leaders you hope to build. Most change happens slowly, over time. So as you encourage growth in your leaders, remember Paul's words: "Be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage —with great patience and careful instruction" (2 Tim. 4:2).
A Caring Shepherd

A tender, compassionate heart is a key facet of intentional shepherding. God described his heart for shepherding in Ezekiel 34. Key responsibilities of a shepherd are:
• Strengthening the weak
• Healing the sick
• Binding up the injured
• Bringing back the strays
• Searching for the lost Your leaders will eventually encounter pain, loss, and disappointment in their own lives or in the life of a group member. In those seasons, leaders may need guidance from you. They may need help determining how best to care for group members who are in crisis. This is especially true for:
• Leaders who have never walked through a crisis with a group
• Newly formed groups, where the relationships are still developing
• Extreme crises, like the death of a group member or a catastrophic loss If the crisis is in the leader's personal life or family, they need you to be a pastor to them—a caring shepherd. It may be helpful for you to offer guidance to the group members, encouraging them to care for the leader. Whether it's a leader or a group member who's in need, remember:

• Hurting people value your presence over your words or skills. A call or visit can be very encouraging.

• Pray for and with people, asking God to restore their physical and spiritual health.
Look for any ways you might serve them. Do they need help with house- hold chores, family responsibilities, or food? Do they need help with transportation?

• Remember that shared pain is often the gateway to growth. This is often true not only for the individual but for the group as well.

• Know when to ask for help. Sometimes a particular need will be so large that it is beyond the ability of the group to meet it. Know where you or your leaders can turn for assistance in your church. The natural tendency for most people is to withdraw from, not move toward people who are in pain. By your example, encourage leaders to come alongside people who are hurting. Guide them as they develop their heart of compassion.
Time for a Checkup

It's time to reflect on your role as a guide for your leaders. Take a few minutes and consider the following questions.
1. How is your relationship with each of your leaders? Who do you know well? Not so well? Write out one or two questions you could ask that leader that would help you get to know him or her better.

2. How would your leaders rate you as a listener? What is one step you could take to improve your listening skills?

3. What are the growth edges for your leaders? Where do they need to grow spiritually? Where do they need to grow in their leadership skills

4. Which small group leader is in a difficult season right now? What can you do to be a Barnabas for them?