FOCUS ON THE FAMILY: FIGHTING FAMILY FIRES

Anger and conflict is always felt with those who are closest to us. The home can be a place of frustration, as can work, as can church. Paul wrote Ephesians 4 and 5 about the close relationships within churches.

 

Solomon wrote many revealing Proverbs about Anger

Read each one and consider real life situations where each Proverb applies. Write down the application next to each Proverb.

 

Proverbs 14:17. A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.

Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Proverbs 25:8.  Do not hastily bring into court, for what will you do in the end, when your neighbor puts you to shame?

Proverbs 29:20 Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Proverbs 19:11–13 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. 12 A king's wrath is like the growling of a lion, but his favor is like dew on the grass. 13 A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

Proverbs14:29 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

Proverbs 29: 9 If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet. 10 Bloodthirsty men hate one who is blameless and seek the life of the upright. 11 A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Proverbs 16:32 Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

 

How to Consider Anger  Read Ephesians 4:17-32

Eph 4: 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity (place,foothold) to the devil.

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

What do each of these terms mean?

Can you see a pattern of escalation here?

 

 

 

How to Conquer Anger       You Must Recognize It 

Eph 4:17-19 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.

 

How to Conquer Anger       You Must Repent of It.  

What does it mean to repent of anger?

When may you need to repent of it? 

Ephesians 4:21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,

Proverbs 29:11 ESV: A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

How does anger often reveal itself?

 

How to Conquer Anger        You Must Be Renewed

Ephesians 4:23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

How to Conquer Anger        You Must Reach Up 

Eph 4:24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

What does this standard look like in our world today?

Where and when might you be tested in this area of life?

What gets you angry?

Are there relationships you need to reconcile?

 

 

 

Call To Worship Psalm 50:1-6, 14,15

Law and Grace reading  Genesis 4:1-16

Focus On The Family:  Fighting Family Fires  Ephesians 4:17-32

Today, we're going to deal with something that I just believe may be personal and pertinent to you. How many of you ever get angry—let me see your hands—lose your temper or find it, whichever the case is? Well, I thought so, except for a few hypocrites out there who wouldn't lift your hand, and a few people who evidently have ice water for blood.

Anger is an acid that destroys its container.

That is, if you're a person who prides yourself in having a short fuse, you'd better be careful. The Bible has a lot to say about you.

Now there are some people, you know, they just say, "Well, it's just my Irish blood; it just runs in the family," whatever it is. And they're like a loaded shotgun with a hair trigger; and anytime they're jostled, they blast away. "Oh, well," they say, "it only lasts a little while." Well, so did that storm in Auckland last week; but they're still cleaning up the wreckage. I want you to see what the Bible has to say about getting angry in a hurry, about being quick to be angry.

DMLJ "We must never be bad-tempered people. That is entirely and utterly wrong. To be bad-tempered, to be irritable or irascible, is something which is sinful and is condemned everywhere in the Scripture. So it is no use saying, 'Ah! but I happen to have been born like that.' If you are a Christian, you have been born again, so you must no use that argument. It is wrong at any time and on any showing.

Any anger or expression of anger that is excessive, violent, uncontrollable, out of control, is a wrong sort of anger. We talk about a man being in a towering rage. That is definitely, utterly sinful. We talk about people seething with anger, shaking with anger. Oh! that is sinning in anger—the white face, the very body trembling, the eyes blazing …. You have seen it, have you not? Now that is altogether wrong and sinful. It is lack of control, and such a man is being angry and sinning; he is being angry in a sinful manner.

 

Proverbs has a lot to say about anger.

Proverbs 14:17. A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.

Now friend, in plain unvarnished language, you are a fool, if you're quick to get angry. You say, "Don't call me a fool." I didn't—God did.

Proverbs 15:18  A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. You want to get in trouble, I mean, if you want somebody to rearrange your face, then you be one of these kinds of fellows who is quick to anger, and somebody is going to explain some things to you that you don't want them to explain, one of these days.

Proverbs 25:8. "do not hastily bring into court, for what will you do in the end, when your neighbor puts you to shame?,"—that is, don't jump into an argument quickly, you're going to start something you can't finish,"  You put your mouth into action before your brain is in gear and you're going to find out that that you're not going to be able to finish what you've started. That's what God's Word says.

Proverbs 29:20 Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

You don't even rise to the level of a fool if you get angry. The fool is smarter than him!

Proverbs 19:11–13 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.  12 A king's wrath is like the growling of a lion, but his favor is like dew on the grass.  13  A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

Proverbs14:29 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

Proverbs 29: 9 If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.  10 Bloodthirsty men hate one who is blameless and seek the life of the upright.  11 A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Proverbs 16:32  Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

 

1. How to Consider Anger

Consider How the Devil Works

26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26–27). What you've done is, you've given the devil a beachhead, a foothold, a toehold; and, believe you me, he is ready to come in. And it is that anger, that stubborn anger, that the devil loves to have a place in your life.

The devil sees his most glorious kind of opportunity! It was an opportunity when the devil persuaded Eve and Adam to be angry against God: he very easily had them in his hands. He aroused in them bitterness and enmity against God, and made them believe that God was against them; and so immediately the devil could do as he liked. And think of the matter as you know it in life. Is there anything that leads to more trouble than anger? Things said in anger and in a bitter moment!—you would almost cut your tongue off, if you could, to get them back; and sometimes, though forgiven, they leave permanent wounds and scars. What havoc is wrought in the world by sinful anger! 

What kind of 'foothold' the devil can gain in the life of the believer, although it is noteworthy that Satan is not credited with producing the anger. The source apparently is to be found in the person himself or herself. Anger can give the devil an opportunity to cause strife within the life of the individual and the community. Such discord is to be avoided by managing the anger properly and speedily.

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Now let me show you how the devil works, when you open the door, when you let the sun go down upon your wrath. The devil has six steps that he's going to destroy you with—this matter of stubborn anger that I'm talking about. Begin in verse 31—we're in Ephesians 4:31: "Let all bitterness,"—one—"and wrath,"—two—"and anger,"—three—"and clamour,"—four—"slander -   evil speaking,"—five—"be put away from you, with all malice"— (Ephesians 4:31). Those are the six steps—six words. Six steps down through anger that will destroy you.

Let me show you how the devil works to get you—and when you open the door to the devil, when you let the sun go down upon your wrath, —let me show you what happens.

1. Bitterness       What is bitterness? Bitterness is that feeling of resentment when somebody does you a wrong, or you think they've done you a wrong, and you get bitter in your heart, "a sort of persistent sourness."  Book of Hebrews, calls this a "root of bitterness" (Hebrews12:15). In dealing with your lawn, weeding your lawn, have you ever tried to get those rotten prickley burrs up? You know, often, I just pull the tops off, but Lorelle reminds me I haven't dealt with the roots. And there is that root of bitterness, and it gets in there, and you begin to feel hurt. Somehow, you feel that your rights have been trampled on; somehow, you've been overlooked, somebody's done you wrong. And you feel that you're justified. And that's what the Bible calls bitterness—that's step number one: bitterness.

Five causes for anger:     1. When we feel UNACCEPTED.        2. When we feel UNAPPRECIATED.
3. When we feel UNSUPPORTED.      4. When we feel UNPROTECTED.  5. When we feel UNCERTAIN.

2. Wrath Now what happens to bitterness? Well, the next thing, the next word he uses here, is wrath—that's step number two. The word wrath comes from a Greek word that means "hot"; you get all hot about it, you get all hot and bothered. There's a slow burn that starts; and the bitterness turns to burning; and you just feel that start in there, and it smolders and smolders. Do you know that feeling? It's an ugly feeling, isn't it? That bitterness. I've felt it—that bitterness becomes that hotness, that burning, that smoldering thing.

3. Anger  And then, look at the third step here—the third word is anger. Now wrath speaks of that which is on the inside, but anger speaks of that which is on the outside. And the Greek word for anger here means that which is open and outward. It is outward hostility now, as the smoldering rags that are in the mind now burst into flames, and they've been bitter for quite a while. We may be doing the slow burn for quite a while, and then, just the right catalyst happens, comes, and then, it's anger—that's the third step. This is outward now, and it's active now.

4. Clamor And then, that's followed by number four: clamor. Now the word clamor has the idea of being vocal, being loud. It may be tears, but most often, it is shouting. Have you ever noticed, when people get angry, their voice rises, and you talk to another person, you say, "Well now, you don't have to shout." He says, "I'm not shouting!" He gets louder, and clamor comes in.

5. Slander.. the Greek word is Blasphemy.. Evil Speaking

But then, what follows, when we lift our voices that way? That clamor turns to evil speaking; then, when we get—we hear ourselves talking that way, and that open hostility breaks out—then, we start to say things we never really meant. We begin to speak evil, often lies, sometimes half-truths, , there's evil speaking, slander—"I hate you"; "I wish you'd never been born"; "you're a stupid child"; "you're the meanest person I ever knew"—and we begin to say things that we know are not true; but, we are on a roll, aren't we? I mean the devil says, "And tell him this," and, you start to say those things—you may not mean them, and in the cool light of day you might think to yourself, "I should never have said that, but you did say those words, because that bitterness turned to a burning, and that burning turned to an anger, and that anger turned to a clamor, and that clamor turned to an evil speaking.  "When you throw mud, you lose ground." The word devil literally means? It means "slanderer." That's actually what the word devil means. If you are a slanderer, if you are a gossip, or if you are speaking evil, then you're literally doing the devil's own work.

6. Malice  And then, that evil speaking does what? Turns to malice. Do you know what malice is? That's when you want to hurt somebody. Pow! Or, if you can't hurt them with your fists, you'll hurt them with words. If you can't hurt them with words, you'll hurt them with money. If you can't hurt them money, you'll hurt them somehow. That's when a mother will slap a child; that's when a husband will abuse a wife; that's when somebody goes for a knife, or a stick, or does some foolish, silly thing. And the devil is just sitting over there grinning. Oh, he's having a time; and you're the one who will open the door, and say, "Come on in—wreck my home, wreck my life, wreck my health, destroy the whole thing." You're the one who did it; you gave a place to the devil, because you let the sun go down upon your wrath, and that smoldering anger there begins to take it's toll. Terrible, isn't it?

And the Holy Spirit is weeping. The Holy Spirit is heartbroken. Did you know that you can break the heart of God? Do you know what the word grieve means? Any of you parents ever grieve over your children? "And grieve not"—grieve not—"the Holy Spirit of God" (Ephesians 4:30). Can you imagine being saved, redeemed, born again, and this purchased temple, bought with the blood of Jesus, has become a nest of Satan? And you open the door, and the dear Spirit of God is weeping, and Satan is laughing, making a mockery of the things of God?

I think there's not a one of us who hasn't been there at one time or another. You say,

"Steve, that's exactly the way it works." Sure, that's it exactly—you don't need some psychologist to tell you. God's Word is already here to tell us exactly what the devil wants to do: to harm us, to hurt us, to ruin us, to wreck us, to destroy us, to destroy our testimony.

I heard of an old couple. She had good eyes, but she could hardly hear. He could

hear, but he could hardly see. So they got around. She'd drive the car; he'd do the

talking. They were going from Canberra to Newcastle, and they stopped in Goulburn to get

some petrol. They pulled into the service station. The attendant came out and said, "Fill

her up?" The man said, "Yes." She said, "What did he say?" "He said, 'Fill her up.' I

said, 'Yes.'" After a while, he said, "That's a nice car. What kind is it?" He said, "It's a

Merc." She said, "What did he say?" "He said he wanted to know what kind of car it

was. I told him it was a Merc." He said, "Are you going far?" He said, "Yeah, we're

going to Sydney." She said, "What did he say?" He said, "They want to know where

we're going. I said, 'We're going to Newcastle.'" He said, "Where are you from?"

"Newcastle." "What did he say?" "He wanted to know where we're from. I told him we're

from Newcastle." He said, "Newcastle? I used to know a woman in Newcastle." He said,

"Beyond a shadow of doubt, that was the meanest, hardest, bitterest, coldest woman

I've ever known in all my life." She said, "What did he say?" "He said he thinks he knows

your sister."

2. How to Conquer Anger

Alexander the Great could conquer the world, but couldn't conquer his own passions.

1. You Must Recognize It As Walking in the dark in ignorance and in hardness of heart. 4:17-19.

17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.

Well, number one: you must recognize it. I mean, you've got to trace it back. You say, "Why am I such an angry person?" And you've got to go back to find out where that root of bitterness is; because, I don't care how much you pick off the tops of those burrs those roots are there, and you're going to have to get down to the root of the matter.

 

2. You Must Repent You Must Put off the Old Man:. Just like you came to learn Christ, repent again.

21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,

You say, "I can't control it." Oh yes, you can. You know, there are people who say, "Well, you know, it's just something that comes over me. I can't control myself." Yes, you can. Yes, you can. You know, sometimes husbands and wives will be having one of these family discussions that can be heard about two blocks away, and they will just be at one another throats, and rrrrrrr, the phone will ring. "Hello?" Don't tell me you can't turn it on and turn it off—you can. Right? Yeah, you know, don't you? You say, "Pastor, how do you know?"

We have a lot of excuses to say that we can't control it. We can control it, we can control it, and we'd better learn how to control it. Proverbs 29:11: "A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards"  Proverbs 29:11 ESV: A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

But we have a greater advantage than those in the days of Solomon. 

Peter O'Brien writes: "As is fitting for those who have stripped off what belongs to the old man (4:22, 25), anger in all its forms and the vices associated with it are to be removed totally from the readers. Paul's list appears to be climactic, progressing from an inner resentful attitude, through its indignant outburst and seething rage, to public shouting and abusive language or cursing. Although v. 26 recognizes that in exceptional circumstances one may be angry without sinning, so great are the dangers of this passion that on all other occasions it is to be rooted out comprehensively. The language is emphatic: the introductory adjective 'all' signifies 'every form [of anger]', five different aspects of rage are specified, and there is a generalizing addition 'all malice'. These features show that human wrath and the vices associated with it are to be rejected completely. The first to be removed is 'resentment, or bitterness'

Against others it has the sense of defamation and covers any type of vilifying, either by lies or gossip. In the present context it may be rendered 'abusive language' or 'cursing'. The rhetorical effect of this accumulation of terms for anger is powerful, and together with the summarizing phrase, 'along with all malice', indicates that anger in all its forms, together with every form of malice associated with it, is to be removed completely from them.

3. You Must Renew You Must Put on the New Man By Allowing The Renewing of Your Mind

23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

'if indeed you have heard of him and were taught in him', explains more fully what was involved in 'learning Christ'.  'You heard of him', draws attention to the initial response to Christ, 'you were taught in him', picks up the point of ongoing instruction.

Romans 13:14 speaks of being clothed with the Lord Jesus Christ, while in Galatians 3:27 putting on Christ is equated with being baptized into Christ. The notion of putting away various sins appears elsewhere in Paul, and Romans 6:6 speaks of the believer's old person being crucified with Christ. In Colossians and Ephesians the clothing imagery is linked directly with 'the old person' and 'the new person' (v. 24). The 'old man' stands in stark contrast to the 'new'. The former old man is in the process of being corrupted by deceitful desires, while the new man is created according to God's likeness in true righteousness and holiness.' –P T O'Brien,  Ephesians, Pillar NT Commentary

Getting rid of the anger relies on the fact that you are born again!  Have you come to the Lord Jesus as your Saviour? Have you received Him as your Saviour? This is the big step in getting control of your anger.  Until you receive the Lord Jesus you haven't got a hope of getting control of your anger here. By his grace you can begin the process of putting on the new self.

4. You Must Reach Up  You Must Lift Your Game  24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.