Ephesians 4:31–32 Focus On The Family: The Freedom of Forgiveness

Matthew 18

Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

23 "Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made.26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.'27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, 'Pay what you owe.'29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.'30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place.32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?'34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."

 

We are concluding a series called "Focus On The Family." The best place to conclude the series I think, after talking about anger last week, is to talk about forgiveness this week. We all experience relationship problems in which we are hurt or offended, so we'd better learn how to forgive. Even people in the church don't always get along.  Chuck Swindoll  "Forgiveness is not an elective in the curriculum of the Christian life. It's a required course."

In 1711, the English Poet Alexander Pope wrote an "Essay on Criticism" in which he made the statement "Good nature and good sense must ever join / To err is human; to forgive, divine." Since that time there have been several interesting variations on Pope's statement. Dog lovers claim: "To err is human; to forgive canine." Mae West was once quoted as saying, "To err is human, but it feels divine." For anyone who works with computers today you'll agree: "To err is human–but to really mess things up you need a computer." Someone wisely observed, "To err is human, and to cover it up is too!"

One of the most powerful passages about forgiveness is found in Colossians 3:12-13, "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Jesus taught us to pray, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Accepting God's forgiveness is a lot easier than forgiving others who have hurt and offended us.

Ephesians 4 reminds us that we are to forgive just as God in Christ has forgiven us.

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

All people need forgiveness, because all people are sinners. He that does not know this, knows nothing in religion. It is the very A B C's of Christianity.

We are all great sinners. "There is none righteous, no, not one." "All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." (Rom. 3:10, 23.) Sinners we were born, and sinners we have been all our lives. We take to sin naturally from the very first. No child ever needs schooling and education to teach it to do wrong. No devil, or bad companion, ever leads us into such wickedness as our own hearts. And "the wages of sin is death." (Rom. 6:23.) We must either be forgiven, or lost eternally.

We are all guilty sinners in the sight of God. We have broken His holy law. We have transgressed His precepts. We have not done His will. There is not a commandment in all the ten which does not condemn us. If we have not broken it in deed we have in word; if we have not broken it in word, we have in thought and imagination—and that continually. Tried by the standard of the fifth chapter of Matthew, there is not one of us that would be acquitted. All the world is "guilty before God." And "as it is appointed unto people once to die, and after this comes the judgment." We must either be forgiven, or perish everlastingly. (Rom. 3:19; Heb. 9:27.)

Where will you go to get forgiveness?

Will you turn to ministers and put your trust in them? They cannot give you pardon—they can only tell you where it is to be found. They can set before you the bread of life; but you yourself must eat it. They can show you the path of peace; but you yourself must walk in it.

Will you turn to the church and its sacraments and ordinances, and trust in them? They cannot supply you with forgiveness, however diligently you may use them. They cannot make the sinner right with God: they are pointers pointing us to Christ as the only One who can make us right with God. They cannot put away transgression. You may go to the Lord's table every Sunday in your life—but unless you look far beyond the sign to the thing signified, you will after all die in your sins.

Will you trust in your own works and endeavors, your virtues and your good deeds, or your prayers? They will never buy for you an entrance into heaven. They will never pay your debt to God.

Will you trust in your own repentance or penitence? You are very sorry for the past. You hope to do better for time to come. You hope God will be merciful. But, if you lean on this remember the judge does not pardon the thief because he is sorry for what he did. Today's sorrow will not wipe off the multitude of yesterday's sins.

Where then must a man go for pardon? Where is forgiveness to be found? There is a way both sure and plain, and into that way I desire to guide every inquirer's feet.

That way is simply to trust in the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour. It is to cast your soul, with all its sins, unreservedly on Christ—to cease completely from any dependence on your own works or doings, either in whole or in part—and to rest on no other work but Christ's work, no other righteousness but Christ's righteousness, no other merit but Christ's merit, as your ground of hope. Take this course and you are a pardoned soul. "To Christ," says Peter, "give all the prophets witness, that through His name whoever believes in Him shall receive remission of sins." (Acts 10:43.) "Through this Man," says Paul at Antioch, "is preached to you the forgiveness of sins, and by Him all who believe are justified from all things." (Acts 13:38.) "In Him," writes Paul to the Colossians, "we have redemption through His blood, even the forgiveness of sins." (Col. 1:14.)

The Lord Jesus Christ, in great love and compassion, has made a full and complete satisfaction for sin, by suffering death in our place upon the cross. There He offered Himself as a sacrifice for us, and allowed the wrath of God, which we deserved, to fall on His own head. For our sins, as our Substitute, He gave Himself, suffered, and died—the just for the unjust, the innocent for the guilty—that He might deliver us from the curse of a broken law, and provide a complete pardon for all who are willing to receive it. And by so doing, as Isaiah says—He has borne our sins; as John the Baptist says—He has taken away sin; as Paul says—He has purged our sins, and put away sin; and as Daniel says—He has made an end of sin, and finished transgression. (Isaiah 53:11; John 1:29; Heb. 1:3; Heb. 9:26; Dan. 9:24)

And you and I are called to forgive others in the same way we are forgiven because of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Why Are We To Forgive Others? THE REASON FOR FORGIVING

There are basically three reasons why you should forgive others:

(1) Because God commands it;

(2) Because God has forgiven you;

Grace  Now, look at the scripture again: "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32) Now, why should I forgive you if you sin against me? Because God has forgiven me when I sinned against Him. "Even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32) God has willingly, lovingly, freely forgiven us. We call that grace.

Guilt   Matthew 6:14,15: "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14–15) Now, you think about that. The person who refuses to forgive destroys the bridge over which he must travel. An unforgiving spirit is unforgivable. Forgiving and being forgiven go together. The only person who can afford not to forgive is the person who will never need forgiveness. Notice the prayer: "Father, forgive us, as we forgive those…" (Matthew 6:12) Now friend, if you don't intend to forgive that person who has wronged you, that's a very foolish—and even a stupid—prayer for you to pray: "Father, you treat me like I'm treating them. Father, forgive me as"—in the same manner—"I forgive others." Now, you think about what you're praying. You say, "Well, I'm not going to forgive the other person," then, "Father, don't forgive me." "Well, I'll forgive her, but I'll never have any more to do with her." God says, "Okay. I'll forgive you and never have any more to do with you." You see what you're asking? "Father, forgive us as"—in the same manner that—"we forgive those who sin against us." (Matthew 6:12)

May I tell you, an unforgiving spirit is not merely you missing a blessing; it is a wicked, vile, gross sin, in the same category as stealing or blasphemy. Why? Because, what is God's nature? That is the nature of God, to forgive. And aren't we glad that He is a forgiving God? We're so glad of that. Well, then, if you don't forgive, you're not like God. An unforgiving spirit is ungodly. It is a terrible thing. Jesus illustrated this with a story. Matthew 18:21

"Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. 23 "Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made.26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.'27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt."

He "set him free." Now, don't miss what Jesus is saying in this parable. If you're not careful, you're going to miss it. When He said, "ten thousand talents," He was talking about an enormous debt. A talent was the largest measure of money known in the Roman world. The research that I did said that it would be equal to the wages of ten thousand men for seventeen years. In today's dollars, it would be billions and billions of dollars. When Solomon built the temple and overlaid it with gold, the Bible says there were five thousand talents of gold in that magnificent temple. (1 Chronicles 29:7) This man owes ten thousand talents. As a matter of fact, the word talent here literally means "without number." It was used for that number. Sometimes the Bible translates it "myriads"—just "myriads." It's the Greek word we get our word myriad from. It means it's just some astronomical amount of money. This man is in debt. There is no way possible that he can pay, and the king forgives him. At that moment, it cost the king ten thousand talents.

Now, what happened, according to this story? Well, you find out that that man who had been forgiven goes out and finds someone that owes him money. Look, if you will, in verse 28

"But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, 'Pay what you owe.'29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.'30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place.32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?'34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."

"Pay what you owe." Now, here's a man who'd been forgiven myriads; here's a man who's been forgiven billions, and he has somebody that owes him a hundred days' wages, takes him by the throat, and says, "Pay me." And the man says, "I can't pay you right now. Have mercy." But Matthew 18:30

Do you see it? Do you see the analogy that Jesus is making? And Jesus speaks of the wickedness of that man who had been forgiven and would not forgive. Matthew 18:35 Now, what is our Lord saying? Our Lord is saying, "It is absolutely wicked for those of us who have been forgiven so much to refuse to forgive somebody else."

Is there somebody who's wronged you and you're holding back forgiveness, and you have had our Lord, with the gold of His blood and the silver of His tears, to pay your sin debt? Do you know what James says in James 2, verse 13? "For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath [shown] no mercy." (James 2:13) Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount, in Matthew 5:7: "Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy." (Matthew 5:7)

Why should I forgive? Listen, friend, I need to forgive because of the grace factor: I have been forgiven. I need to forgive because of the guilt factor: I will still need to be forgiven day by day. And only a person who never sins can afford not to forgive, which is no one.

(3) Because forgiveness is good for you.

Grief  We've talked about the grace factor and the guilt factor. Matthew 18: 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.

The grief factor is a reason we ought to forgive, because, you see, this man who failed to forgive endured the severest discipline. Tlest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and [by it] many be defiled." (Hebrews 12:15) If you don't forgive, friend, you're going to know unusual grief; you're going to be troubled, and others around you are going to be troubled. An unforgiving spirit does you personal harm. It's not just what your unforgiveness does to someone else; it's what it does to you.

MamaMia "being a grudge holder makes you fat."

People who refuse to forgive, hurt themselves. Bitter people can't sleep. Ulcers line their stomach. Their blood pressure rises. They see the negative in every situation because their life is polluted with these feelings of resentment and anger. People who are unwilling to forgive may feel they are punishing the other person but the only person paying the price is themselves. It's good to BE forgiven, but it's also good to forgive. If you are harboring a grudge toward someone who has wounded you, do yourself a favor: forgive them.

There is an ancient Chinese proverb that says, "If you pursue revenge, then dig two graves."

Chuck Swindoll writes: "Without that forgiveness, we drag along with us long-standing feelings of resentment that will ultimately erode into anger, bitterness, hatred, and mental torment. Unforgiveness imprisons us in the past, locking out all potential for inner peace and freedom."

Ray Stedman, explained the "torment" experienced by those who fail to forgive: This is a marvelously expressive phrase to describe what happens to us when we do not forgive another. It is an accurate description of gnawing resentment and bitterness, the awful gall of hate or envy. It is a terrible feeling. We cannot get away from it, we cannot escape it. We find ourselves powerless to avoid it. We feel strongly this separation from another, and, every time we think of them, we feel within the acid of resentment and hate eating away at our peace and calmness. This is the torturing that our Lord says will take place.

Gain Now, listen to Matthew 5:24. Our Lord talks about somebody coming to the temple to worship, and they're bringing a gift to the temple. And there, they remember that there's a problem between them and someone else. Here's what our Lord says you're to do: "Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift." (Matthew 5:24)

"Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother." (Matthew 18:15) In both of these scriptures—one says, "Be reconciled to thy brother," and the other says, "Thou hast gained thy brother." (Matthew 5:24;18:15) A brother is a precious thing, a terrible thing to waste. When you forgive, you heal a broken relationship and you gain back a brother.

2. The Requirements for Forgiveness

Now, those are compelling reasons for forgiveness. Now, let me talk to you about the costly requirements for forgiveness because, see, there's no bargain forgiveness. There are no bargain pardons.

What does our scripture say? "Be ye kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32) Now, Jesus is the model of our forgiveness, and you're going to see that Jesus paid the price. We talked about redemption through His blood. And friend, you're going to have to know a little personal Gethsemane and Calvary if you truly forgive somebody who has deeply hurt you. Now how, therefore—if we're to forgive as Jesus forgave—how did Jesus forgive?  May I list some ways?

Forgive Freely His forgiveness is free, spontaneous, and quick. Don't forgive after you have got your revenge. You know, sometimes people hurt us, and we say, "They don't know how much they hurt us, and I'm going to teach them how much I've been hurt. I'm going to blame them. I'm going to castigate them. I'm going to make them suffer. And after they've suffered, after they've wept, after they've pled, after they've bled, after I've gotten my pound of flesh, then perhaps I'll forgive." Has anybody ever treated you that way and then finally said, "Well, I'll forgive you"? What do you feel like saying? "Hey, I don't need to be forgiven. I've already paid."

Peter asked the Lord, "Lord, how many times if a person sins against me, shall I forgive him? Seven times?" (Matthew 18:21) "No, seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:22) —490. And, guess what? He didn't mean you stop at 491.  Don't keep score. Forgiveness has no limit. Forgive freely

Forgive Fully  Forgive totally. Make sure that you forgive.

Forgive Finally 43, verse 25: "I, even I, am he [who] blots out your transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember your sins" (Isaiah 43:25)— sins that are buried in the grave of God's forgetfulness. If you forgive, do it finally, once and for all.

1. I choose not to think about this incident. Remember, it's impossible to forget it, but you can choose not to think about it. In Isaiah 43:25 God says, "I am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sin no more." It never says God forgets our sin, because God can't forget anything.

Once an old elephant was drinking at a watering hold and spied a turtle. The elephant walked over and swatted the turtle across the pond with his trunk. A passing giraffe said, "Why did you do that?" The elephant said, "I recognized that turtle as the one who took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago." The giraffe said, "Wow, you must have a great memory." The elephant said, "Yes, I have turtle recall." (Remember, to pun is human; to forgive divine!)

When the first missionaries to the Eskimos were learning to translate their language, they discovered the Eskimo word for "forgive" was a multi-word phrase: "issumagijoujungnainermik." It literally means "not-being-able-to-think-about-it-anymore." That's what forgiveness is–it's not forgetting–it's choosing not to let the thoughts of that harmful person or their harmful deed consume your thinking.

I read about a man whose office files were getting so full of extraneous papers. He was a man who couldn't bear to throw anything away. And the files got fuller and fuller and fuller. One day, his secretary said, "Sir, can I clean out the files?" He said, "Well, okay, clean them out. But before you throw anything away, make a copy of it."

2. I do not want to harm you for this incident.

I DON'T GET MAD; I GET EVEN. It is our nature to seek revenge. You could say, "To err is human; and to seek revenge is too." In the Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare has Shylock ask several human questions: "If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? If you wrong us shall we not seek revenge?" ("Merchant of Venice" III:1)

In Matthew 5:38-39 He said, "You have heard that it was said, 'eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." "An eye for an eye" may sound cruel, but at the time this Old Testament law was given, it was merciful. Human nature demands if someone blinds you in one eye, you want to kill them. The Old Testament law taught limited revenge. If they broke out your front tooth, you should limit your revenge to breaking out their front tooth. But someone said "An eye for an eye would leave the whole world blind" so Jesus introduced the concept of grace–not responding in anger, but giving people what they need–forgiveness.

Probably the most beautiful example of this was with the death of the three children by the drunken and drugged driver at North Parramatta. The forgiveness offered the driver however did not exclude them wanting the prisoner freed. The law needed to be upheld. He needed to be punished. However so far as the parents were concerned, they could release the driver from his personal debt to them and no longer seek vengeance.

This is your willingness to release them from your desire to take revenge on them. People often misunderstand this point. If someone  committed a crime against you, forgiveness doesn't prevent you from allowing the law to execute justice. But forgiveness requires you do not personally become the judge, jury, and executioner for what they've done.

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath." (Romans 12:18-19) The Bible doesn't say you can live at peace with all people–that's why it says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on YOU, live at peace with everyone." Sadly, there are some people who reject your willingness to live at peace with them. So, go ahead and forgive them, and move on.

3. I will not bring up this incident again. This promise would heal many marriage wounds.

One husband told a friend, "When my wife and I argue, she gets historical." His friend said, "Do you mean hysterical?" The husband said, "No, she gets historical–she brings up all the mistakes I've ever made." When God forgives our sin, he buries them in the depths of the sea and he never goes fishing for them. When you forgive someone, don't keep resurrecting the incident.

4. I will not allow this incident to stand between us. True forgiveness wipes the slate clean and a broken relationship can be restored. That's what happens when God forgives us. Our sin has separated us from God and His forgiveness removes the wall of separation so we can have a personal relationship with Him.

Do you want to see Spiritual Revival? Real revival is marked by believers getting right with each other. Families getting right with each other.  People who have been hurt forgiving each other.

Is there somebody who has wronged us? Is there somebody, you say, "I owe them; they're going to pay"? Friend, forget it. Bury it in the grave of God's forgetfulness, and forgive.

"Pastor, can I forgive somebody who continues to do the same thing? Can I forgive somebody who hasn't repented, someone who continues to hurt me, to withhold what they owe me, somebody who continues to abuse or to lie or to slander? Can I forgive them?" It's a hard question because even God doesn't forgive without repentance, does He? What if that personal hasn't repented? Then is it up to you to get 'em? No, God says, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." (Romans 12:19) And if you cannot forgive them because of their continuing practice, you can still have the spirit of forgiveness. What did Jesus do on the cross? He prayed, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) While they're nailing Him up, He's praying for forgiveness.

 

 

 

 

 

GROWTH GROUP QUESTIONS

1. What is to be done if the "offense" is between a husband and a wife?

2. What should a genuine request for forgiveness look like?

It should not shift the blame, be uncertain ("if I have") and it should be factual.

3. Is it "hypocritical" to say you forgive when your feelings say otherwise?

4. Does granting forgiveness mean we provide full restoration?